Little Big Ears

Conversations with my children are an endless source of amusement lately. They are what makes being a parent totally worth it, my kids are hilarious. Truly.

They also have big ears and even bigger mouths. We really have to watch ourselves around them now.

Example, as we're trudging to school this morning;

Nicky: I need to hold your hand for energy mom.
Me: just walk in front of me for this part. The people who live here are too (fucking, but I didn't say that out loud) lazy to shovel their sidewalk so there's not enough room.
Nicky: Oh they're lazy? That's what daddy called you.
Me: oh REALLY? Why did he say that?
Nicky: because you didn't wash the dishes.
Me: I see. When did he say that?
Nicky: When you were at work.

Of course I immediately texted Jeff and warned him about bitching in front of the kids. The fact that he called me lazy? I'm pretty sure he said that the same night he wrote really this really hard on the fridge pad:

"RINSE THE DISHES BEFORE YOU PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER"

(Only reason I knew he wrote that is because I saw them imprint of the words on the paper underneath. He wisely ripped that message up after he got over his fit of pique.)

We all have our limitations. He's a major hothead and I'm A-Okay with leaving a sinkful of dirty dishes for him to clean.

Anyway, point being! We're past the point of being able to talk freely and them not really understanding.

Also, he didn't deny calling me lazy. Shit. My cover has been blown.

Manipulation

I've hit upon parenting gold. I just have to figure out how to make it work for every possible scenario that might come up.

It's simple really; fear. The concept is nothing new, and here's how it played out today while we were waiting for our lemonseed poppy cupcakes to bake.

Nicky: if I have a drink of your coffee, will I DIE??
Me: of course not!
*he brings the mug almost to his lips*
Me: wait! It WILL kill you!
Nicky: what? It will KILL me?
Me: well, no not really. I was just kidding.
Nicky: well what will happen if I drink it?
*thinking quickly*
Me: you'll stop growing. You won't grow as big as Liam or Daddy.
Nicky: are you serious?
Me: I am.

And he slowly put the mug back on the table muttering something about how THAT was not a good thing.

Guys, it was so effective. And I didn't have to yell myself hoarse over him doing something that I didn't want him to do.

Win/win.