23 June 2010

I'm lazy. There, I said it.

As I'm sitting here looking at the toys strewn about my living room, I like to ponder the incredible guilt I feel at not being as accomplished a housewife as I somehow think I should be. I've got some mighty big shoes to fill when it comes to keeping a tidy house, namely Jeff's mom and my dad. Oh, and Jeff too.

But wait. Does it really count towards being a clean person if you don't actually clean? Jeff? Cuz honey, you may put things back where they belong right away so that there's no clutter...but can you remember the last time you took a dust rag to the furniture, turned on a vaccum, or filled a pail with soapy water? How 'bout the toilet downstairs, hmm?

I only point these things out so that I can try to feel less guilty for being a lazy ass. One could say that since he goes out to work and earns the money for our family, that it is then my duty to keep house and raise our kids. And I would agree to a certain extent.

Only...when we were both working full-time I still did it all. Ponder that.

Oh, and in addition to being a mediocre housewife, I'm also a master procrastinator.

I was supposed to go for a walk to Londonderry after the boys ate lunch, except Nicky made a huge mess that requires some mopping to clean up. So I decided to put off the walk till tomorrow so that I could clean while the boys were sleeping.

Then I poured myself a coffee (because I'm tired as f*** lately) and sat down to check my facebook and blog a little. It's now 45 minutes later and all I want to do is lay down on the couch and have a nap. And put off the cleaning that I put off the walk for.

Except if I do that, then it won't get done until the boys are in bed. And it won't actually happen then because I haven't got an ounce of energy by that point of the day. So then we'll start the whole cycle again tomorrow and blah blah blah. Except instead of dealing with easy to clean up oatmeal all over the place I'll have to get down on my hands and knees and scrape off crusty hardened up crap from the floor.

Huh. Maybe I'll just go and get it done now.

12 June 2010

One can dream.

I sincerely wish I had inherited my mom's green thumb. That woman could spend her whole life outside, tending to her garden and flower beds, ignoring the phone, and she would die happy. Severe seasonal allergies? She laughs in the face of pollen!

However, it's just not the case. The bugs! The dirt! The sore knees! Oh ya, and the bugs! As I was pulling weeds out of my low-maintenance rock beds today I had the heebie-jeebies so bad that all I wanted to do was run inside and away from those nasty centipedes.

Did you know that peonys (peonies?) attract ants? I've got two of these monsters in my front yard and I forgot to put the rings around them when they were smaller. I decided to do it today, took one look at the army of ants swarming on them, and walked away. Whatever, they can droop. I'm not touching the ants, frig that.

I've tried manipulating my mom into coming over here and doing my gardening for me. She humors me and tells me she'll do it...but it hasn't happened yet. Don't think I haven't noticed MOM.

I guess I'll just have to accept the fact that I'll never have one of those yards with the riots of beautiful colors. I've tried before, even gone so far as to buy flowers with full intentions of planting them but they just sat in their little container thingys until they died. Pathetic.

This makes me far more depressed than you'll ever know. I want to have a green thumb!

10 June 2010

Totally realistic.

I installed an app on my phone that tracks my walks for me. Route, time, distance, etc.. I also have it set up to publish straight to my facebook status exactly when I've started and when I've ended my walk. If you click on the link from my facebook page it takes you to google where you can actually view my route with real pictures of my neighborhood.

Because I'm generally trusting and oblivious by nature, the obvious never occured to me. I mean, really, how could I be so naive to not think of every possible scenerio. This next thing is probably going to happen to me the next time I go for a walk.

One of Jeff's psycho ex's will stalk me out on facebook because I don't have my privacy settings high enough, and will see that I've started a walk.

She'll jump in her car and track me down to where I'm walking with my 2 children in a stroller.

She'll murder me and kidnap the kids.

She'll blackmail Jeff into being with her by threatening the kids.

...okay, I made up the blackmailing part but I guarantee, given enough time, Jeff would have gotten that far when he was thinking this shit up.

This is the same man who thinks it's a reasonable idea to put GPS trackers in our kids pockets when they're at school-sitting in their classrooms, mind you-because one time a couple years ago, there was this one girl who was snatched from the bathroom at school. By her uncle, he thinks. But if our kids are GPS chip-enabled, WHEN they're kidnapped we can avoid the Amber Alerts and know exactly where to find them.

I think this is why fate brought us together, so I could tone down the crazy.

3 June 2010

Two more days, I can make it!

Today has been kicking my ass so far. Between the younger boys getting over colds, the older boys in the midst of colds, teething, and the bank messing up our account AGAIN, I just want to close my eyes and make it all dissappear.

Okay that's a bit dramatic, I realise. Things are going okay now, but if you'd asked me 2 hours ago how I was doing it would have been a different story. It's amazing what bitching out a bank can accomplish and how quickly it can turn your attitude around. Add sleeping children, and I no longer want to commit suicide.

Which is a good thing since I don't know what my family would do without me!

And, I get a break this weekend! I'm going out to a birthday party and then dancing with some good friends. Jeff and I have agreed that short of an emergency where he has to take the kids to the hospital, he's not calling me. There will be tears, to be sure, but they won't be MY tears. Unless they're tears of happiness because I'll have a couple hours of freedom.

*and for those still interested, I've been holding steady between 130-132 for the past 3 weeks or so. Once the weather starts co-operating I plan on walking with the kids in the mornings. I say that..but I say many things that don't actually happen. We'll see.