Annoying and cute.

To set the stage: I'm sitting at the kitchen table trying to drink my coffee. Liam is still sleeping, the two youngest are running around the house yelling about going outside, and Jeff is getting his lunch ready for work. It's 7:05 am.

Now Nicky is climbing onto my lap, followed closely by Josh.

N: I'm two!
J: IIII twoooooo!
N: No, I'M two!
J: IIII twoooooo!
N: You're not two, I'M two!
J:...IIII twooooooo!
N: Joshua Michael Panchuk, I'MMM TWOOOO!
J: IIII twoooooo!

Mommy: No, Nicholas you are three, and Joshua you are one.
Daddy: (shoulders are shaking with laughter as he stands with his back to us at the counter preparing his breakfast of chocolate ice cream and cinnamon toast crunch)(not a word is uttered from his mouth)

N: Ya sure, I'm three!
J: IIII threeeeee!

Daddy: Have a great day honey!
Mommy: *facepalm*

Have I told you lately that I'm a procrastinator?

I have a confession to make. It's really gross and I can't even believe I'm admitting this on the interwebs. Seriously, in this case my housekeeping skills are FAR surpassed by my procrastination skills.

So. We've owned this house for 4 years and in that whole time I have never, not once, not ever, cleaned my oven. In fact, I couldn't even SPELL oven in that last sentence, that's how much I think about the oven and all things related to it besides cooking.

I use the oven all.the.time. Love that appliance, it's quite handy. Lately though, it's become apparent that I need to bite the bullet and clean it. I made a pizza last night and I had to open the window because it was getting super smoky. Disgusting, you don't even have to tell me.

Really, who does that? Who doesn't clean their oven at least once in 4 years? And I guarantee it wasn't clean when we bought the house. So who knows the last time it was cleaned? I clean the fridge regularily. And the microwave, in fact I just did that one on the weekend.

It's just that damn oven.

Well, to be honest and in the spirit of full disclosure...it's behind the oven too. And behind the fridge. And under the microwave stand and behind the water cooler. God, it's hard to properly clean your shit with toddlers underfoot.

That's my excuse and I'm 150% sticking to it.

I have no shame.

Something occurred to me the other day as I was getting back into my street clothes after swimming laps; I've turned into one of the those old ladies at the pool that I used to cringe at as a younger girl.

You know the ones. No shame, too unconcerned to squeeze into one of those tiny change rooms to shimmy around getting into dry clothing. Stretch marks, bit of a tummy, cellulite disfiguring the upper thighs and butt.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving a free show or anything. I try to be semi-modest with my towel if there are other people around. But if the change room is empty and you happen to stroll in, be prepared for a little nudity. I just don't care too much.

Those two poor 12 year olds. Give 'em 20 years, they'll be writing the same damn thing I am right now.

Randoms

1. I had a meltdown this morning when it comes to the damn potty training. I threw a diaper on Nicky and told him he made me very mad. He stared at me, then danced off and played with some Thomas trains.

Probably not the best way to handle it, but we'll be back to undies after nap time.

2. I'm looking forward to the next 6 days of reverting back to my messy bachelorette days while Jeff is out of town. I'm NOT looking forward to listening to the whining about 'where's daddy?'.

Okay, okay. I'll miss him too. We don't spend very many nights apart and he's like my 3rd arm, it'll feel weird not having him here too.

3. In a totally unexpected turn of events, JEFF signed up for a monthly membership at our pool too!! I kicked his ass on laps the other night, he had to go sit in the hot tub while I continued swimming. Ha HA!

He says he's going to get up in the morning before work and go to the gym. I say he's living in a dreamworld, dude pushes snooze more than any person alive.

(he also can't resist a challenge, even when it's as blatant as this)

That's about it, time to go tackle the crushed up cinnamon toast crunch that's all.over.my.house.

Status update.

The potty training...it's not going so hot. My kid is oblivious to the signs that he either has to pee, is currently peeing, or has peed and is now lounging around in wet undies.

He's got 9 pairs of undies. Yesterday, he had 9 accidents, and that's not counting the 45 minutes I let him go commando outside before throwing another pair on him because I wasn't too fond of the sight of him baring all as he was pushing his cars around. Nobody needs to see that shit.

Hah!

I was also setting the timer at 15 minutes, but the kid has a LOT of pee. Today I've decided on 10 minute intervals. He's getting really annoyed at me already.

Oh patience, don't fail me now!

I am so excited. No, really.

Potty training is intimidating. Especially when you're all on your own as a parent to get it done and can't fall back on the daycare to do the tough part and just follow it up at home.

Trust me, I got lucky the first time around with Liam.

I have quite an extensive group of friends who are mothers of children the same age as Nicky. The discussions about potty training have been running rampant for at LEAST a year and a half. Whenever I felt compelled to add in my 2 cents, it was always backed up with the statement "I'll take my cue from him".

Or "boys are so much harder to train, it'll be easier to wait till he's a bit older".

Or "he won't be going to kindergarten still in diapers".

Or "...fill in the blank".

For me, all of those things meant the exact same thing; I know how much work is involved and I'm frankly not interested in trips to the bathroom every 30 seconds. Like, seriously. I would find it annoying if I had to visit the bathroom that often. Never mind someone else, even if I love him to distraction.

Jeff, you're so on your own in another 40 years.

But, I also said if he hadn't started on his own by the time he turned 3 then I would start the process. His birthday has come and gone. And he's still pissing in a diaper.

We went out and picked him up some COOL big boy undies; Buzz Lightyear & Woody, Thomas the Train, and Diego. He went bananas when he saw them and wanted to put them on right away. No no, hold up mister. Mommy needs to be mentally prepared in addition to physically.

This morning marks the start of Operation Slash our Diaper Costs in Half.

It's been...12 minutes. He's peed in the potty once. He's due for another bathroom break in 3 minutes. No accidents so far, which isn't saying much since even a BABY should be able to go 15 minutes between, um, pee breaks.

So, I get to live the next couple weeks of my life in 15 minute increments, combined with an every 2 minute crotch grab. You're all jealous, Iknow.

Weight loss plan, take 8!

The prospect of shorts and tank tops has renewed my determination to shed that last 10 pounds. Of course, a winter spent sporadically stuffing my face full of junk has turned that 10 into...15ish, maybe even 20. But I digress.

It's the same old broken record; I need to find a fitness routine that I'll actually stick to. What can I say, I'm a woman! We are allowed to be wishy-washy about things. I earned the right through almost 2 1/2 years of gestating children, wouldn't you say? Not to mention the countless months spent tied to said children, having them dependant on me for nutrition. But that's a whole 'nother post.

The flavor of the month, my next new thing, the activity that caused Jeff to roll his eyes and silently scoff at me, is swimming. It's not expensive, I have access to lane swimming, aquafit, the pool gym, a running track, and the kicker, a hot tub! It's a 20 minute fast walk, or 10 minute jog, away.

You can't lose. But I'm fully aware of my inability to commit to exercise, I'm just hoping that this grabs me. Oh please, please grab me. Mama needs to get bikini ready.